Remembering your own tune again after you forget
Your very own sacred rhythm awaits you
Hi, how are you doing? If you have been around here, you must have heard me often talk about finding your own rhythm, your own song, tune, flow…whatever you call it.
I have shared my trial and error process with it, finding it, maintaining it, tapping into it. But singing your own song feels like being on a surf board, dancing with the waves. And I felt the last few months I fell of that board, got injured and was at the sand.
And Now, I’m choosing to get back on the water and I forgot how riding the waves feel, my confidence had wavered. I think being hurt does that sometimes, you can linger onto holding onto insecurities.
It’s like an athlete coming back to practice after a month off and every set of practice sucks, it feels challenging even when you were bench pressing the same weight with ease last time.
But the good thing is, if you know the process, you had done this before and developed that muscle, it might suck a little while you get back in form, but if you carry on, it’s inevitable you would be stronger than before. More committed than before.
There are various things in life, you might be familiar with it too, that you might have allowed it to knock you off course. The why and lessons are for each one to reflect and learn from.
But the getting back phase is like Rocky going back to training again after a sabbatical. And I have found discouragement and confusion to be the absolute nemesis of the process of singing your tune.
You see the look on the old man’s face? Feeling the weight of discouragement or despair is that heavy and should be taken that seriously. Your whole life and it’s quality depends on it.
Seriously. No kidding. No exaggeration.
Well, when you feel discouraged there’s a lot you can do to not stay there.
Here’s what I did: asked for support, reminders from people of my own self, watched a dozen of inspirational sports movies, cook up and experiment with different dishes, music, spent time in nature, prayed for guidance to Jesus, Listened to my teacher Liana Shanti’s programs and just allowed the space to build and regain strength and not dive in straight back in.
I find that’s what was different this time, I have always almost dived back straight in and never really stopped before to take the time sans any pressure to regroup back home. This time I really took months off.
It’s strange, I feel there are anchors in life for each human soul and not in a co dependency fashion but things we are, do so naturally that is a part of our essence. And It’s sacred. And Our Voices are like that too. They are this just beautiful vehicle, instrument of divine grace and power, and we get to play with it, use it, work with it, experiment how it best works.
FUN EXERCISE
Like do this thing with me, say something and feel it’s vibration, do you feel it in the head, the back of your throat, your heart, your chest, your solar plexus, your womb? Where is the voice coming from?
Try saying different things and feel the difference.
Examples:
the name of someone you love
singing a song you love
reading out loud someone’s words, maybe this blog post, a para from a book. Where do you feel it, if you do?!
saying a prayer
Also, have fun with it, say when you list things you’re grateful for, where do you feel it? And when you’re upset about something or ‘braining’ something do you feel it in your brain?
You can do same with music and other people. And feel share your experience, like our bodies are such a fine instrument you can literally feel sound in different places. Like a piano playing, a sacred symphony.
Oh, but the most special song I feel we all have is our laughter. Have you had opportunities to laugh recently? If not, create them!!!
Oh and what’s starting fresh without fun music, a little oldie goldie,
Oh and for the confusion,
It’s basically, the process of letting the water settle,
Here’s something crucial that I’d like to highlight,
When you’re hurt, you have a heart ache. Acknowledge it. Grieve if you must. The more you hold on to it, the deeper the cut gets and longer the recovery.
It’s like those video games where you can keep taking hits but than when the power bar is low, a small punch and throw you in a K.O for that match.
I feel it’s the same with the sanctity of our heart, our morale, our courage. It’s a sacred nectar. And if we don’t take the time to acknowledge and be with it, how can we renew?
It’s like that dude who kept boxing for years and got more susceptible to head injuries. Or the human who does not rest enough to let his bone set properly in place. It’s like adrenal fatigue, you catch it first, you heal it way easier, otherwise you make your way from burnout back to energized state of being. All of which is possible but it just takes more energy.
I strongly wonder, when life throws punches, you don’t have to take it. At some point I think we get to choose to surrender the fighting life and transcend.
LASTLY, a Message for YOU, whoever needs it
There is so much life ready to explode through you, but the channels are blocked, the windows closed and you feel like an atomic bomb about to explode. Let it out. Don’t let it be chained in.
They yell at you and you learn to hide.
They tell you to stop being annoying when you ask questions.
Maybe it happens in a moment, but most often in a culmination of heart aches unknown and unsaid, unwitnessed, but all seen between you and god.
You armor up your hearts, scared.
But look at you then, are you happy?
Desperate, scared and miserable. Even if you sit in a luxurious home in peaceful county and a hefty bank balance, your soul, your heart cries out loud.
Banging on the door of your being. Helping you crack open and awaken.
And we say life strikes us down, NO. Really what happens is life loves us so much it was trying to awaken us from the burning building we were in.
So open the door. Yes, you maybe afraid. Even terrified.
But breathe, believe, open the door to light. to love. to Jesus.
There is love within you, goodness within you, a creative fire that would corrode you from within, desires that are ready to erupt through you but you keep on closing the lid due to fear and shame and doubt.
No, really, I see you. I totally understand. It feels scary and unfamiliar like a letting go of all what you were told you were supposed to do and be in this life.
For temporary sense of illusionary peace you learnt to silence yourself and swallow your words. And above all, what everyone else did or did not do, your own sense of self betrayal hurts.
It keeps you keep your head down and not see love in the eyes of Jesus for you.
Where you would find the biggest relief.
Don’t drown in defeat, you can swim.
You are breathing, you can jump shores.
Defeat only happens when you give up.
So don’t let yourself down. Do it.
Honor yourself for the love of yourself.
You deserve it.
You have so much love within, if you feel lost, you can be found,
But nothing would change if you don’t allow yourself the grace to forgive, release, let go and move on. To demand more for yourself.
Maybe you were hit, maybe the only warmth of love you remember are whips and beatings,
Or the Verbal humiliations that made you even question your own existence and humanity,
That’s NOT YOU. That’s not YOU. THAT’S NOT YOU.
Me or anyone saying that won’t make a difference because it is only you who needs to say that and accept that for yourself.
Unhook yourself from the pain, don’t suffer no more.
You don’t have to. There is no virtue in pain.
The symphony of hope wants to play through your laughter again,
the trees waving and leaves singing to cheer you on are all calling,
you’re not alone.
In the midst of despair, a light that stays the most forgotten is yours.
In the well of sadness you forget there is an infinite well of love waiting just for you. Never running out.
So don’t hide again. Stay.
It is safe to face the sunshine.
Cry if it hurts but never cut.
The numbness makes your blood blue. That’s no place for a human to be in.
You gotta remember, wake up from the nightmare, the reason you feel so terrible is because you were meant for joy.
There is a deeper calling within your soul, smiling at you in grace and surrender,
Breathe.
Let the golden light of the air within.
Release the ignition of your voracious appetite for being down-ridden while you starve all along.
It’s time for a new diet. New way of being and living.
Breathe.
It’s okay to soften.
The hefty weight can’t hurt you anymore if you let it dissolve in love.
Update: I started with breathing through the motions writing this, but I am ending this feeling love. It’s simple, you’re scared? No problem. Breathe and do it. I did. Took a lot of courage for me. But then it started flowing and became easier again. So, DO IT. Whatever it is, you have been holding back, procrastinating. Get back on the surf board and get singing your song. This was mine. Conversational tone, insights, lessons, music, and quotes. Yep. Back HOME.
Start. Do it. Make your way back home to yourself. you can do it. i KNOW it and it would be awesome. Because it’s you.
Okay, Ciao. Take care. Create something. Breathe life through your voice. And have fun doing it, even if you start with feeling shaky. You tend to find your ground once you begin. I did. You read through it. Didn’t you! You can too! GO YOU!
